The velocirapture

May 21 2011 at 6:00 PM (everywhere): the beginning of the end of the world according to 89 year old Christian and president of “Family Radio”, Harold Camping. He claimed that “Beyond the shadow of a doubt, May 21 will be the day of the Rapture and the day of judgement.” He has also been quoted as saying “I know it’s absolutely true, because the Bible is always absolutely true.” (LOL!)

He claims to have based his prediction on 70 years of biblical study and apparently came up with some mathematical formula that led to this date. He’s was an engineer so he’s good at math, you see. Camping also claimed there would a great earthquake with a magnitude the world has never seen and it would throw open all the tombs everywhere in the world. (Go zombies, go! You’re free!) The remaining months after the rapture were claimed to be filled with millions of daily deaths and suffering leading to October 21 2011 where his god destroys the universe. I’d also like to note that he seems to take pleasure in these concepts and always states them with a smile on his face, as if he enjoys the idea that only 3% of the world’s population will be raptured. So 97% of humanity will suffer for 5 months of torment before anyone who still happens to be alive is then finally murdered by his god and they are all sent to hell for infinity… another thought he likely salivates over.

These ridiculous claims were broadcast all over the USA on his radio station and there was also a massive global advertising campaign (over $100 million spent) of billboards and other advertisements quoting scripture and with catch phrases such as “The Bible guarantees it!”. Thousands of people actually believed this event would occur and it made world wide news due to the scale of Camping’s campaign.

I think mockery is the best way to deal with this kind of lunacy, especially considering Camping’s absolute certainty about his prediction. And what better way is there to mock “The Rapture” than the Velocirapture himself?!

Raptor Jesus went extinct for your sins. Nowhere in the bible does it say that Jesus was not a raptor.

Update: It’s interesting to note that even in September 2011, Harold Camping still maintains that his god will destroy the universe on October 21. He didn’t even back-peddle on his original prediction, and now claims that May 21 was an invisible judgement day that was purely spiritual in nature, whatever that means. He now realizes that the rapture will happen simultaneously with the end of the universe on October 21. (So keep giving him all your money to help spread the word!)

I’m very much looking forward to his new excuses on October 22, and also those of the 2012 apocalypse morons when our clocks eventually turn to 2013.

Imagine how much more productive our species would be if all the resources devoted to this kind of religious idiocy were instead put into scientific research, or environmental clean up, or renewable energy and sustainability, or put towards providing resources for the struggling nations of the world. No, instead Harold Camping spends millions on billboards, the pope sits in gold thrones, and religious institutions drain the disposable incomes of billions of people while also being exempt from taxes.
To all the governments of the world struggling to “find efficiencies” without having to increase tax rates, perhaps it’s about time you stop giving a free pass to the societal parasite officially known as organized religions.


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